OT: Punning around
stan at stans-photography.info
Sun Jul 18 21:06:44 EDT 2010
From an email forwarded to me. I can't vouch for the purported provenance, but I have seen some of these before . . .
> Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest:
> 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
> raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
> 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the
> other and says 'Dam!'
> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
> lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
> that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
> 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my
> electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
> during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
> were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
> victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?' they asked, as they moved off.
> 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One
> of them goes to Spain ; they named him 'Juan'. The other went to a family in Egypt and was named 'Ahmal'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
> Upon receiving the picture,
> she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
> Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you seen Juan,
> you've seen Ahmal.
> 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry Payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
> He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to 'persuade' them to close.
> Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
> store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
> Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of
> the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
> feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good!) 'super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
> 10. And finally... there was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
More information about the PDML