OT: Puns for the Cultivated

John Sessoms jsessoms002 at nc.rr.com
Fri Jul 2 18:41:01 EDT 2010


Certainly there is an ample quantity of manure.

From: "Daniel J. Matyola"
> PUNS FOR THE CULTIVATED
> 
> Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
> 
> A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
> 
> Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
> 
> Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
> 
> Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
> 
> A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
> 
> A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
> 
> Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
> 
> Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
> 
> Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
> 
> Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
> 
> When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
> 
> A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
> 
> What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give-away.)
> 
> Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
> 
> In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
> 
> She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
> 
> A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
> 
> If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
> 
> With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
> 
> The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
> 
> You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
> 
> Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
> 
> Every calendar's days are numbered.
> 
> A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.
> 
> A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
> 
> He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
> 
> A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
> 
> Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
> 
> Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
> 
> Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
> 
> Acupuncture is a jab well done.




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